We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
