Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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