Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
