why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
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