So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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