this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
