His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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