i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
