I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
