my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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