my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
