we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
