at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
