....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
