worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
