I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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