is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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