You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
