She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
