I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
