So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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