You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
