the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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