i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
