I feel like I'm in dance class right now
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
