Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
