Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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