Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize