I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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