I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
