the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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