my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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