I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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