I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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