I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
