After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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