I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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