you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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