You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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