So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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