dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize