I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
