I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
