She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
