You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
