So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
