you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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