i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
