I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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