Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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