Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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