the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
