The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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