i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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