she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
