dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
thus making me awesome and them whores
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
