tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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