She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
