I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
