I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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