i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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