No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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