the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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