The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
