There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
