There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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