I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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