My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
pray to the hookup gods
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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